25

Hello, blog !

Honestly, I missed blogging but still with same excuse, I have nothing to write :/

I was at home past two months, fasting and celebrate Hari Raya with my family. Better late than never, SELAMAT HARI RAYA MAAF ZAHIR BATIN ! ๐Ÿ˜€

Spend my time at home doing work, watched TV (I don’t have TV at my hostel ๐Ÿ˜ฆ ), eat A LOT, shopping (I love this), hang out with friends (a few) and went for holiday with my family. Spent first three days of Raya at Malacca and 4 days in Sabah for my birthday. Turned 25 18 days ago ๐Ÿ˜€

I still can’t believe I will be 25 this year. Way before this I thought when I turn 25 I am going to have a good job and great life, everything good come at 25. Allah knows best, I am still a student and my life is great Alhamdullilah. He is the greatest so I strongly believe in His plans.

As for now, what I wish for this birthday:

  1. A better me
  2. Good health for me & family
  3. Finish my Ph.D as soon as I can, have a great career to bring more happiness to my family especially my parents
  4. A good mate

 

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Hello 25-year-old me โค

 

 

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Straight and Connected – NOT

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Source: Google image

Actually, this is what inside my brain (refer to right picture).

Currently in my fourth semester and there is a lot of thing I need to improve. Met my supervisor yesterday to discuss my latest draft and still there is a lot to change. ย Honestly, I was so nervous everytime submitting my drafts and I am always not satisfy with my drafts but I need to show it to my supervisor so she will know my progress. In the end, I will say to myself “It’s okay, you can’t keep your drafts and change it forever”.

She told me somehow I have what I want to write or tell in my mind but I am not expressed it on the paper. With additional comments on my draft (lots of purple ink, now I think my mind is worst than the picture on the right, not straight and brain cells not connected with each other. I think I need to clear my mind and Alhamdullilah the weather is sooooo awesome now ๐Ÿ™‚

Hopefully I can think better and get some ideas soon !

Rock Bottom

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Well, hello blog? Haha.

Haven’t post anything past few months just because I have nothing to share or write. In other word, I have no idea what to write about. Maybe all in my mind is what to write in the thesis draft to show to my supervisor. Really a permanent head damage.

Few days ago, I came across this tweet, by one of my favourites, Alicia. This tweet reminds me of people asking me why am I so positive or so strong in handling some situations. Actually, I am not, but I have no choice. There is up and down in life and we have to face it and go on with our lives. That’s what I do all this while. I don’t think I need to show to the whole world how I was, except for few people who realise without me having to tell them. So yeah, just look forward and be positive for the future.

Another new issue coming in: I am too comfortable being alone. Do I look like that? ๐Ÿ™‚

Up & Down

Read Vivy’s latest postย and I’m totally agree with what she wrote.

Back then (since my degree time), I was (and still am)ย trying my best to be positive even sometimes I failed. However, nowadays I realised that somehow I am not as positive as I am before.

I am truly grateful to have a very wonderful family. A very supportive father, caring mother and perfect brother. Everything is good until I was in high school where most of people there are against me, because of who I am. Being in the highest post for a student doesn’t make me looks good enough to them, except for few people who support me. Thank you for that. Things getting worst when I didn’t score well in my SPM. Since then, I left, never look back and continue my life.

Went to matriculation college for a year. Decided to not being like how I did during high school, only focus to get good grades. Had tough (pack schedule and away from home) but wonderful life there with such great friends (still bff to Shaliha), and Alhamdullilah I did quite well in my exams, make me eligible to pursue my degree in USM.

Did my degree, masters, work for few months and doing Ph.D, I still feel good until last year, the negative vibes came again and it’s worst than before. Eventhough I’m currently move on (around 95% I guess) but somehow when I was alone (sometimes) those things came across my mind. It is not good especially when I bump into or hear about those #%!%#! . Sometimes I am okay, sometimes I am not. Once, twice maybe okay.

How I wish I can talk to Bahirah the way when she was doing her intern. How I wish my bebi boys are here always to make me forget those negative vibes. How I wish C&W are not busy and can look at me and say “You don’t have to say anything. We know” They really know.

Well, time passes and the only thing I can do now is to be a better me, a more positive me ๐Ÿ™‚

Better

After 20 days of 2017, what I have done so far? Every new day, I always wish to become a better person and before this I was doing okay for few weeks then my momentum slope down. Sharp. Haha.

This year is different. I am still searching, confused and empty. As mentioned, Ph.D is a alone journey, but I am 100% sure we need to be productive too. Honestly, I miss being busy doing another job besides Ph.D, but I don’t want to be with a not supportive/energetic/positive team. My first job is always the best ever!

Another thing is, it is my second year and I need to push myself harder so that I can graduate on time. My supervisor warned me that I must graduate on time or she will knock my head heheh. My scholarship is another reason too.

While struggling with myself, unsatisfy with my progress plus I need to submit full paper for a conference by end of February, I am currently a member of a fitness centre. Hahaha blame my uni for not maintain the gym. Tell you, I need something else to keep myself busy but find out that I am not really organized. My time management is failed and I hate it so much.

Met my supervisor yesterday and I don’t know what on earth I told her that I think my objectives are too simple and not enough. So, I need to write and make changes again. It’s okay, I love it. It might give me strength to work harder and manage my life better.

About feeling empty, discussed about this with my pillow talk buddy. Agree with her, lack in spiritual is the main cause for feeling empty. Hope that overslept (5 pm to 1 am, then 3 am to 8 am) since yesterday will totally wake me up.

12 in 2017

Day 8 in 2017.

Came back to my uni 5 days ago for a fresh start in this new year, but only today I get the momentum back to follow my routine/schedule as a student. Since I came back I was busy settle important things and still few things yet to be done plus down with fever 2 days ago. I am that type of people who seldom get ill, but once I got sick I feel terrible and I usually sick when I have many things to do. It’s okay everything happen for a reason and I think God make me sick to give me more energy later.

Yesterday I spend some time listened to Prof Dr Muhaya talk about improving ourselves in 2017. I love to listen to her talk from her Facebook to keep me motivated so I want to share 12 things to do in 2017.

 

  1. Positive mental attitude – be always positive
  2. Good health – take good food and exercise
  3. Human relation – be good to ourselves and everyone around us, don’t judge other people
  4. Freedom from fear – only fear to the Almighty
  5. Optimistic for future achievement – think positive for our future, be confident that we can get whatever good things we want in the future
  6. Capacity of applied faith
  7. Willingness to share – share good thing with other people
  8. Engage in labour of love – full of love to other people
  9. Open minded
  10. Discipline – keep discipline in what we do, do it in 66 days and we will keep doing it consistently
  11. Wisdom to understand people – do understand why certain people do certain behaviour, don’t judge them
  12. Financial security – if we can do the previous 11, insyaAllah our financial is secured

 

May we can take good care of this precious 12 to be a better person starting 2017 insyaAllah ๐Ÿ™‚

Little Dream

After having some fun time at home, today I went back to Penang. I know my thesis, proposals, papers and data miss me so much and hence, here I am in my hostel with a new toiletmate ๐Ÿ˜€ I have to share my toilet again but it is okay. FYI, I stay in single room hostel and every two rooms will share one bathroom.

Enough with my room and toilet ๐Ÿ˜›

Earlier today I went to KLIA 4 hours before departure because I wanted to check in at the kiosk (I love kiosk :P). Usually, I went to the airport like 1-2 hours early and I can check in at the kiosk like a boss (but boss check in at business/first class counter :’D). However, when I wanted to check in for my flight today, I couldn’t do it because it is full flight and only few seats left ! So I was not very early this time.

Like while having same problem during my trip to Bali, I forgot to try my luck if I can get free upgrade to business class. It is not wrong to ask and try our luck right? Forgot to try my luck plus there was no more window seat, I was quite sad but it is okay, at least I still can board into my flight.

Entered the plane, looking at people at business class, with wide space. Still, it is okay as long I can reach my destination safely no matter what class my seat. I am still a student, dreaming doesn’t hurt. As I reached my seat row, I saw a woman sit at my seat. Her seat was the window seat but she refused to sit there and wanted to change with me. Yeayyyyy!!! Windowwwww!!!! I want to see outside the plane not the cabin crew walk back and forth :p

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Anddddd later I realised that I sat at emergency exit. Wide spaceeeeee!!! Even at the emergency exit but heyyyyy ! I was super happy and grateful. Really enjoy my one hour domestic flight.

It is not wrong to have small dream, even a little hope ๐Ÿ˜‰